It's 3am on day 3 since my husband has decided to abandon me again. Still no word. When he left he didn't take his meds with him. That worries me. I wonder if I will hear from him as soon as last time. Suddenly stopping lithium can result in extreme mania. If he becomes even more manic it could be a long time before I hear from him.
People continue to tell me that I need to take care of myself. It's not that easy. When your body is rejecting food and sleep all on it's own. It doesn't matter that I try to take care of myself. My body physically wont allow me to do so.
I keep finding myself worrying that maybe this time he wasn't actually manic. Maybe he just decided he didn't want to be with me anymore. I really don't believe that, but it's just a part of my nature. After all, every time he tells me he loves me it's so sincere. People ask why I deal with it; that it seems like such a lopsided relationship. I tell them that I've been in much more one-sided relationships than this one. At least I know that my husband loves me, truly loves me. I can see it when he looks at me. I can hear it when he tells me. I can feel it when he touches me. He is my heart, I am his soul.
I wish I would hear something from him. I hate worrying so much. Even if he doesn't want to come home, I just wish that I knew he was safe. This litterally kills me inside.
Please come home, baby.
If you read your blog, let me know. candicurtis@gmail.com. I think it is a good thing to support each other. My husband is also bipolar and I completely understand everything you posted in your comment about yourself section under the title of the page. I am going to keep looking for an online support group but if you have found one please let me know. I think it would be a good place. I am thinking a facebook page would be easy to keep in touch.
ReplyDeleteOK I started a blog also but I want to start a facebook support group... http://mrgreenswife.blogspot.com/
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